just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
