I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
