Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
