At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
