Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
