shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
