I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
