Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
