Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
