Please, let me fuck your mom
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
