Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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