mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
