I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
