You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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