My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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