you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
