her vagine was all disorganized.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
