I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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