covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
