1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
where am i from again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
