Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Randomize
