You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
