I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
