I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
