I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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