I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
