we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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