And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
