Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
