I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
