Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i will never coherently bang her
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
