If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
