put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
