sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
