Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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