I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
