We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
