HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
