i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
