Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I CAN MOONWALK!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
one might say we're banned from that church
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
