I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
