More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
