We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
