it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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