I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
