I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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