he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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