Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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