Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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