Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
