the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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