i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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